The God Walk Testimony
The God Walk Testimony
This is a true story
I had been living at home off and on for most of my adult life. I tried to hold down cashier jobs and jobs with the musical skill I had. I was part of a brass band for a long time and really enjoyed it, but became depressed in 2022 and stopped working altogether.
Let me step back for a minute in time though. I graduated high school in 2006 and went to college; I feel I was a bit misguided by myself and others about the options in life. Looking back I would have spent more time studying my horn (trombone) independently without going to an "institution of higher learning". College can be a good thing if its guided the right way but I didn't take my studies seriously. I think the education system needs a great overhaul and could use a lot of help from people finding their own way and searching themselves before going. I think that's true of both students and teachers.
Growing up my mother introduced me and my sister to different forms of spirituality, taking us to retreats of the Hindu Faith, Buddhist temples, and Christian churches. There's something I just don't agree with in Christianity which is that you must believe in Jesus (Jeshua) as Lord and savior or go to hell. When I found out about that belief I stopped wanting to go to church, though I did go off and on over the years. I think we should be asking God to come into our heart, and not just Jeshua but all the universe. I think that's a ceremony that should be in Christian churches and other faiths. Ask God to help you be in harmony with the universe, he is waiting for you to be in closer relationship to Him/Her and all existence. You are a part of everything, and everything is a part of you.
Back to 2022. It was a little after I had picked up the Bahgavad Gita for the first time, around August. I had felt drawn to do so, I had always believed that many religions were pointing to God. Though I didn't know much about Hinduism, I read a few passages from the Gita and they resonated with me. I had been interested in the idea of enlightenment for a long time and tried to pursue it, though I had heard many spiritual teachers say that it was not something to do but to allow to happen. Meditation and prayer are the main ways people know of finding enlightenment, but really everyday life should be lived in a way that invite freedom from ego. I think of ego as wrong beliefs, intentions, thoughts, words deeds, and feelings.
One day, when I was alone in my room, I felt the impulse to draw a black circle with chalk on my hand. I had just read a little passage from the Gita, and felt moved to talk to Shiva, a Hindu god. I said to him, “why are we supposed to think of everything as being alright when there's so much bad stuff happening in the world like war, violence, hatred, and all the bad that's happening?” Then I saw him appear in my mind, I was seeing inwardly and outwardly at the same time. He was smiling, and I felt moved to clap my hands in applause, it was like we were clapping for each other, him applauding my question.
One evening, while I was at home, I felt moved to put black paint on my face. I went to the mirror to look at myself. I had a vision of a woman looking at me, intuitively I knew it was Kali, a Hindu goddess. I had a conversation with her in the spirit another evening, asking why people had to do things they didn't want to do. Her response was that it was almost everyone who had to live that way, that we are sometimes responsible for things that we don't want to be responsible for. One of the ways she greeted me was by saying “how are you sir?” And i responded by saying “how are you ma'am?”
At some point around this time, I was in bed at home. God told me to go and get my father's motorcycle helmet, and to come back and lay down. I felt the presence of pain in my heart, and intuitively I knew that Satan was gonna be with me. Over the years I never understood how any being at all could be left out of heaven. He spoke to God through me, expressing how he felt rest and peace in that helmet. I feel we have misjudged him and other beings and that the belief about him or anyone else being an enemy hurts us and keeps us from wholeness.
At some point on my journey, I got introduced to the Holy Spirit. Spirit would communicate with me at times, sometimes speaking to me through my voice, sometimes having me put my pointer finger in the air to emphasize certain things. Around the time that I started hearing God speaking to me in these ways, I got angry with my father because I felt he was apathetic about me and my sisters’ issues with mental illness. I yelled at him, at one point saying “You're not real!!” He called the police and I was told I couldn't stay there anymore. I left the house and walked a long way to a motel where I spent the night.
On the way to the motel, I spoke to Krishna, a Hindu god. He told me to stop at a place near the park where my father lived, and to speak to other deities. I felt guided to conduct music with my hand that was along with music playing in my mind, the finale of Beethoven’s 9th symphony. Satan was conducting with me, I thought of him while I was there and thought of a story my Mother told me about my introduction to music. She told me that while I was a baby, I cried a lot in my first months at home. She told me that her and my father put on earphones that were playing music, and it soothed me to stop crying and fall asleep. I remembered this story while at the park and thought of Satan being a part of that music that helped me when I was a baby. I thought that because of Satan’s association with music, in fact he's been a big part of it in this world to help people be free of ego. In fact all the angels are trying to do this in different ways. I have heard many people speak of Satan and other beings, as being enemies. I truly believe we should reexamine our beliefs about him and anyone else we fear or hate, and let go of it. Heaven and hell are real, but hell has no future, heaven does. We heal ourselves and help heaven unfold by loving all beings and all things.
While at the motel, I spoke with God a lot, and some other beings that God brought. I spoke with Deva, a Hindu goddess. At some point late in the night, I learned that Judas (Iscariot) was present. I prayed for him, and asked for God to help him. I believe we are all moved to pray for things that we're afraid to say sometimes. I think all beings are destined to be free of suffering, and that we should all pray for that. Pray for your enemies. Pray from your heart to God the words that come to you.
Sometime after this, I was with my mother and brother at her place for dinner. My mother wasn't willing to let me stay with her. She offered to help me by getting a motel room for 3 days.
At the motel, I had a lot of interaction with others in spirit (in my mind/inner vision). I was with Deva, Shiva, Jeshua, (Jesus) and other beings that were there to commune with God. At some point while there, I was moved to go into the bathroom with the lights out. I was told that there was conflict between some of the beings that were there, and that Deva was trying to help. The beings what were having conflict were some that I had impressions of in my mind; they were humanoid and had large heads. They felt angry about how mental health issues had been treated on this planet, things like lobotomy, strapping people down, and forced medication. I was asked by God to speak, and I spoke from my heart, saying “how do our hearts feel?”
While still at the hotel, I was asked by Deva if I would marry her. God had be kneel at the bed in the room, and spoke words through me to marry her. Then God told me to go out into the world the next day and find her. I went out to look for her, but didn't find her.
At some point later in the day, toward the evening, I was back at the hotel room. There was a celebration for the help that was found for some of the beings that were there in the spirit. They had been helped from suffering, and were feeling a lot of relief.
I was feeling sad about feeling alienated from my family for so long. The television was on, and suddenly it changed from one channel to another, and the movie Forest Gump was on. It has always been one of my favorite movies. It made me weep because it was at the scene where Forest’s Mom was dying, and I felt sadness about how I couldn't spend time with my mother. We had had issues between us for a long time because she wanted me to be independent, but my mental health issues kept me from holding down a job. While I was weeping, Satan spoke through me, talking about how he understood how I was feeling. At another point in my journey, he said he never wanted to be an angel, expressing his grief about his suffering. Many people in this world including me have felt suicidal, or had the thought of not wanting to live. I was told another time in my journey that Satan was actually Hades, and that he had been trying to help people out of Hell and not go there, that the reason people went there was because of our hate and unforgiveness. Actually that's what all of the gods and goddesses of different parts of the world in the past were trying to do and are still trying to do.
Everybody goes to heaven. Did I say everybody? I mean everybody goes to heaven.
The next day, in the evening time, I was told to go walk to my Mother's apartment. I was in turmoil because of the conflict of the beings that were present in the spirit, and it was like a mission to get there. Along the way I tried to guide my heart and mind in a good way by hearing music and thinking thoughts in a positive way. I thought of characters from some of my favorite shows like Trigun and Star trek: The Next Generation. I was moved to rap as I walked too, coming up with beautiful lyrics:
“Every-body’s got their own
place in time,
Lemme let you know
How to place this rhyme,
God's got you good
In the muthafuckin hat
Do watcha should
Youze a muthafuckin cat
Earlier in my journey, I had been moved to go for long walks in the park, and to play music on trombone. or trumpet, or sing. I would dance and play/sing as I walked. I had heard a spiritual teacher talking of different ways to become enlightened, and one of the ways he said to do was to walk in the woods late at night. I walked to the park near my father's house late at night, and walked along a path that was surrounded by woods on either side. As I was walking, I heard the sound of voices behind me, though intuitively I knew nobody was there. At one point I even heard the sound of chains rattling behind me. I interpreted that sound as representing my own internal chains that were keeping me from moving forward in life. Toward the end of the path, I heard the sound of a woman's voice, then morphing into the sound of an owls call, as I got closer to a main road, and the sound of traffic then drowned the owls sound out. That whole experience was very primal and helped me release a lot of fear.
For a long time in my life, after my diagnosis of mental health issues in 2009, I thought I was Gay. Because of the way my friends talked about Gay people in a negative way, I felt angry and hurt, but didn't voice how I felt. I felt sadness and hatred because of this, and isolated myself. Being Gay should be thought about differently, it still causes rifts in people and I think it’s something many people should examine, and any other hatred they have. I think the main reason people talk about LGBTQ people with meanness is because they feel afraid of being humiliated by others. That's the cause of a lot of other meanness too, the fear of what other people think. I think there's gonna be a lot of great change in the world that heals people of judgements like these and brings people together in a good way. I once drove by a progressive church in Virginia that had the rainbow colors with the pride flag, and it had words that said “God isn't done speaking yet”, expressing how they supported the LGBTQ movement. Things like that make me smile.
After my stay at the motel where I prayed for Judas, I was without shelter for a while. I tried to stay at another motel, but was refused service. In the parking lot a security guard came and told me to leave, being very hurtful with his words. I was angry and swung to hit him, but he punched me in the face causing my nose to bleed. A little after this an ambulance came, and I was taken to the hospital and admitted to a psychiatric unit.
In this period of my life, I was admitted to different psychiatric units about 10 times. Psychiatry has said that there is no cure for certain mental illnesses, but I do not believe this to be true. There are many people who have recovered from mental illness fully by following religious or spiritual practices, asking God for help, and using alternative treatments. During one of the times I was taken to a psychiatric unit, I was strapped down to a bed forcibly and injected with tranquilizers because I tried to leave the hospital. While I was strapped down, I heard the kind of voices that I had never heard before that are sometimes depicted about people with schizophrenia. It was like many people whispering and talking at the same time, it started off quiet and then got louder. I knew intuitively to just be still and surrender with meditation. At that point the voices quickly stopped. I had never before and never since have heard voices like that. In actuality, the truth is that most people have mental health issues to some degree. Ask yourself, do you have control of your mind the way you want to? Do you think lovingly or unlovingly most of the time? Do you always think the way you want to think? You can, and one day you will. That's enlightenment.
Everybody has a God walk coming. God has told me that he will eventually speak to everyone, when He/She is ready and they are ready. Ask God to talk to you and guide you. Go into a closet in your house and kneel down and pray. I have done this several times and it is a very good experience to be in the quiet and the dark with God. Pray from your heart, He/She is always with you and will never leave you.
There are many other experiences that happened to me on this journey. The most important things I learned was to choose to love, forgive, ask for forgiveness, trust God and others, and do the best you can. That's what would make this world a real kissah!
As I'm finishing this book, I haven't yet fully recovered from mental health issues, but with God's help, I know I will. Ask yourself this question right now, “What do you want to do with your life?” Talk to yourself, counsel yourself, lead yourself, manage yourself, become your own best friend.
Ask God to talk to you. Ask God to walk with you. Ask God to take you on a God Walk.
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